Why I Chose to Volunteer at the Family Justice Center
By: Sam Tang

My journey began just before my last semester of my third year in law school. I was attending California Western School of Law (CWSL) in San Diego, California. My roommate, Alexis, and I were actively reviewing possible classes to take and chanced upon a course titled ‘Domestic Violence.’ Generally, men are the perpetrators in most these violence incidents and the women are the victims of these tragedies. I was apprehensive that there would not be any other male students in the class and I would be singled out. I was also initially concerned that my cultural views would be shunned. Being of Asian descent and a male I have grown up in an environment where the males are seen as the breadwinners of the family and the undisputed heads of the family. The women in the family, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., consistently played a support role to the males. It is not unheard of that a woman would refuse promotions or acknowledgments so as to avoid the lost of face or respect of the men in the household. However, Alexis and I decided to take a leap of faith and signed up for the course.
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Casey Gwinn
President, Family Justice Center Alliance
Chief Executive Officer, YWCA of San Diego County

Last night, my wife and I watched “Where God Left His Shoes.” It is a very disturbing and challenging movie about a battered woman who leaves her abuser and marries an aging, unemployed boxer. She has a son from her abusive husband, and together they have a daughter. Through a series of bad breaks, they end up homeless in the weeks before Christmas in New York City. They are in and out of shelters and have a chance for a low income apartment but without a job he cannot qualify for the run-down dingy apartment that they have pinned their hopes and dreams on. At one point she almost goes back to her abuser when they get kicked out of a homeless shelter. It is one of the most disturbing movies I have ever watched. There is no happy ending. At the end, my wife Beth and I talked for hours about the personal responsibility we have to help those God brings into our lives and about the corporate responsibility we all have in helping those that find themselves at the end of hope with nowhere to turn.
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A few years ago, I wrote ethical wills to each of my children. I had been reflecting on what I would leave them when died. Money or property did not seem nearly as important as the values that I wanted them to hold dear when I am gone. So, I sat down and wrote them each a letter and told them how much I loved them, how proud I was of them, and what I wanted them to take from our family as they became adults and moved out on their own. Many of the values were based on the spiritual faith that my wife and I raised them with; some were based on the importance of guarding their hearts and not giving their affections or bodies to anyone that came along but choosing wisely who they would share their hearts and souls with as they grew up. Other values that I included in each ethical will related to reputation, integrity, compassion for others, and setting high goals for themselves. I challenged them to pursue significance, not success. I encouraged them each somewhat differently based on their unique gifts and abilities but guiding themes came through in each letter – honesty, faithfulness, sense of humor, and perseverance were all values that had defined our family as they grew up. I also confessed some of my regrets and mistakes in life and encouraged them not to go down the same hurtful paths that I had gone down.
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